.:.character development.:.

Character development is essential to a good story. Do you have a favorite character? A Disney, Looneytoons, Star Wars or LOTR one, perhaps? When we see good character development (whether in a good or evil character)- we are drawn in. We are invited into a segment of their life, captivated by their circumstances and completely helpless but to watch how they respond. These characters are embodied or "put on" by actors who play the role convincingly. But at the end of the day, those actors go home, and are themselves. 

Character development is essential to a good person. Do you know people of good, strong character? A mentor, friend or family member perhaps? When we experience good character in others - we are drawn in. We are invitied to examine our own life, captivated by their conviction and completely empowered to watch and learn by how they respond.

What kind of character do you wear?

Make no mistake - even good character is something you put on. Colossians 3:12-17 tells us to put on a Christ-like character living out traits such as compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience BECAUSE we are God's chosen people. What we wear can help identify our allegiances. Emblems, logos and symbols speckle our clothing uniting us to something bigger. In the same way, our character is a testiment to who we submit ourselves to; we put on character traits that will associate us to something bigger.

Character. {Noun}
1. Moral or ethical quality.
2. Traits that form the individual nature of a person.
3. Qualities of honesty, courage and integrity.

Don't confuse character with reputation.
Character is what someone is;
reputation is what someone is thought to be by others.

"It is unfortunate that character development is not usually a section to fill out on a resume or university application, because we all know that it is one of the most important parts of any human. It will determine your successes, failures, relationships, and ministry to others more than your talents and abilities ever will." -Cheryl Crocker

What are you doing to develop your character?
Here are a few ideas to get you started thinking...
-Keep your word; don't make promises you can't keep.
-Develop as a person; grow your maturity spiritually, emotionally, mentally.
-Admit and learn from your mistakes; take ownership and make things right.
-Study and be shaped by the Word of God; The Bible teaches us about the best character!

"God doesn't say He dwells with the best singer or the one who preaches best or the one who has the best intellectual grasp of doctrine. He does say He dwells with those who walk uprightly and blamelessly and speak truth from the heart." -Cal MacFarlane

What are you spending your time developing?
Developing your God-given gifts is important to do... but if you don't develop your character, your gifts are an empty offering to the Lord. He cares more about the heart of the giver than the gifts themselves.

Character matters.

Character development is essential.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

guarding your heart

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." -Proverbs 4:23

Everything you do flows from it.

Every beautiful thing you have to offer this world stems from your heart.
Every negative thing you have to offer this world stems from your heart.
It's your choice.
What you allow into your heart is what will take root.
And what takes root is what will grow.
And what grows becomes the garden you glean from.
And what you glean is what you end up offering the world in return. 

Everything you do flows from your heart.

Make no mistake, your heart is under assault in this world.
Negativity
Passivity
Comparison
Fear
They try to suffocate the beauty of your heart, and the life it wants to offer the world. If you allow their waters to wet your heart, you'll drown in a desperate attempt to believe the deceit that what you offer is beautiful.

For your heart to thrive, you will need to protect it, guard it, nurture it.
To guard your heart doesn't mean to put a fortress around it.

The image of a princess locked in a tower is a false understanding of protection.
True protection and true guards don't just block out the bad, they allow good to pass through too.

Make no mistake, your heart can recognize beauty.
Positivity
Initiative
Acceptance
Courage
They empower and encourage the beauty of your heart and the life it wants to offer the world. If you allow their waters to fall on your heart, you'll reap a harvest, and offering the world pieces of you will come naturally and easily from the overflow of your heart.

Guarding your heart.
Allow good to be received and given.
Let your heart breathe.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

.:.Did you hear?.:.

Have you seen the show Friends? I've recently been watching some re-runs. About halfway through season 5, the character Jennifer Aniston plays, Rachel Green, makes a new years resolution not to gossip. There's a line in this particular episode where she wants to share that a co-worker became pregnant, but realizes that it would also fall under the gossip category and so decides to keep it to herself. It struck me as odd, because I don't think I've ever given a second thought to sharing if my friends are engaged or pregnant. Baby's are blessings and gifts from God, and weddings are joyful occassions, and I love to talk about happy things like these. But it dawned on me as a result of watching this character wrestle with gossip, that it really isn't my news to tell.

Gossip needn't be false to be evil -

there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around.

~Frank A. Clark

I'm often tempted to justify my gossip or slander with these two false qualifications:

1. If I just tell one person...
2. I'm speaking truth, so it's not gossip...

Can you relate?

 There are many warnings in scripture about slander and gossip.

 James 4:11
Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.


Proverbs 20:19
A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.


Proverbs 16:28
A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.

The warnings and consequences are obvious. I need to strive to do better in this area. Will you join me?


Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.


This post is linked to WLW's Wednesday Link Up Party. Link up too!

.:.peer co-mentor.:.

Have you ever thought of yourself as a peer co-mentor?

David and Jonathan had a friendship that was worth praying for and pursuing.

It was meaningful and mutually empowering. 

David and Jonathan:

1.They shared: “Jonathan became one in spirit with David” (1 Samuel 18:1)

-a heart to follow God and do His will (14:6, 17:45-47)

-Interests and skills of war (background)

-the same environment in the house and army of Saul

2. They committed: “we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD” (20:42).

          -to God (Chapter 14)

          -to each other’s best: “Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself” (18:3); “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you” (20:4)

          -to each other’s future and family (20:12-17, 42).

3. They experienced:

          -Protection by watching out for each other (Ch. 20)

          -Openness and trust – they could share anything (20:3)

          -Friendship and fellowship (20:42, and generally implied throughout their story)

          -Strength and encouragement in times of difficult: “Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God” (23:16)

          -Love that was committed to the other’s best, even if it meant personal sacrifice

                   “Don’t be afraid ….My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king … I will be second to you” (23:17)

          -Sharpening and challenge to follow God

Do you have a friendship like this? I bet each area could always use a bit of strengthening. I’d encourage you to spend a few moments thinking about what area you are doing well in and what area you’d like to focus your energies on. If you’re brave enough, tell your friend what you see them succeeding in. As good friends, it can be tempting to allow suspicion and distrust to form by focusing on your differences. Instead, focus on what you have in common: a common faith, dear and close friendships and a desire to grow into all that God has for you.

Do you realize you are a peer co-mentor?

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

Walking it Well

Walking it well - I’m intrigued by the phrase. It’s a goal to be sure. There are ways in which we can be walking through and responding to difficult times unwell. Those methods are pretty obvious in hind sight, and may have some regrettable consequences. It would be nice to avoid them altogether.

What does walking it well look like? I can’t measure success in this like a true/false quiz; there’s no studying for it beforehand. How do I know if I’m doing it right? Can 40% of my grade come from motive and my desire to do well?

There’s no grade, Sarah. I’m gently reminded.

I believe walking difficult times well begins with a soft heart, which is so hard to develop and live with in a difficult space. Having a soft heart means you live in the reality of the pain more often. And who wants to do that?

In a difficult, painful season of life walking it well requires work and effort that we may feel too exhausted to offer at the time. It means watching our actions and words even more closely because our moral compass isn't pointing straight north with our emotions flying around as they do.


But we do not walk alone, which makes the goal of walking well an achievable option. We won't be perfect; we will trip and fall at times, but Jesus walks with us.


Emmanuel, God with us.


Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

an empowering perspective

The following are quotes from a collection of speeches that Michelle Anthony gave at the Upswing Children's Ministry Conference hosted in Edmonton, AB, Canada in Sept. 2011. The quotes were directed to children's ministry workers but I think they have just as much relevance to parents today. These snippets of her conversation caught my heart's attention and I haven't been the same since.


1. The mind and soul learn differently.


2. Your job in a child's life is to nurture and train the soul.


3. This generation is anemic in soul care. We are soul doctors.


4. The work is not ours, that is up to the Lord. But we need to allow the divine to flow through us to meet those we encounter: our kids, friends, other parents, etc.


5. If you know nothing satifies like Jesus, a lack of faith will fear kids taking part of the world. I don't mean have a lack of boundaries or rules, but if you know they won't be satisfied with the world, why are you scared to let them have a taste of it?


6. Stop saying to kids "Don't love the world". Instead offer kids something more compelling that they can do, like "Love Jesus."


7. When I hoist my sail, I am cooperating with the wind. If I want to change my direction, I take my sail down. Are we cooperating with the Spirit and the work He is doing in our kids' lives?


8. It is so rare to have someone cooperate with the Spirit in this crooked and depraved generation. So much so that when it happens, it glows!


9. God redeems everything. His wind is always blowing.


10. Sometimes we don't turn to God with issues because we think they are too trivial for Him. How that breaks His heart.


11. The end goal is faith. Faith is what Jesus will be looking for when He comes back.
Faith is 1. Conviction 2. Personal surrender of heart 3. Corresponding conduct based on the first two.


12. We want to see kids know God's voice, desire to obey it, and obey it in the power of His Spirit.


13. Inheritance - Passed down - Artifacts - Dishes - Objects with stories - Sentimentality. How are you posturing your heart so as to pass on your faith? ... We need to be in constant communication about everything with God; He is in charge. We need a posture of dependance. Passing on faith from generation to generation was God's idea and design.


14. Where you aim your heart and what you believe determines the outcome of your life for eternity.surrendered life to obedience, where we put God's word into action; a life of being hearers and doers of the word.


15. When we talk about faith, we think to the house built on the rock. What is the rock? It's a surrendered life of obedience marked by putting God's word into action by being hearers and doers of the word.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

Meow.

I babysit two kids twice a week for two hours at a time. Try saying that ten times fast. I absolutely love it.

This family also has two cats. I used to love kittens when I young, until I was old enough to realize that they turned into cats. I've never been the biggest fan of cats. I think my distain for cats began in my teenage years. And now, in hindsight, I believe it came from being so like a cat - the selfishness, the short temper, and the conceit. As I've grown older, I've changed and so has my view on cats - just a little. I know now that they are a little more affectionate than I gave them credit for. This new view is largely credited to Ernie, one of the family pets where I babysit.

So there I was, starting an ordinary Wednesday afternoon with the kids when Ernie comes up to me for his regular back scratch. He purrs and jumps on my lap, and confidently plops himself down on his back, encouraging a tummy rub. I obliged.

I couldn't have anticipated what happened next.

Ernie pooped. On my pants.
Turns out Ernie is a little sick.
Turns out Ernie has diarrhea.

It gave me a whole new understanding to the phrase, "Cat caught your tongue?".
I was speechless.

Feeling only slightly bad for the sick cat, I turn to the five year old and ask her to go get some paper towel, baby wipes, tissues, anything. She obediently runs away complaining about the stench. Lucky girl, she could move from the smell. Ugh.

Mixed with sympathy and laughter, the words "Did you know that cat feces can carry toxoplasmosis?" was the response I received from both my Mother and best friend when I told them. Please note: should you ever be as unfortunate as I was to encounter such a situation in your own life, make sure you scrub and wash REALLY well.

Thank you, Ernie, for giving me one more reason not to like cats. In one fell swoop, you have undone all the hope you had started to give me. Back to square one.

Thank you, Ernie, for reminding me to be thankful in life for the little things and the reminder not to take myself too seriously.

Praying that you would be encouraged to smile amidst whatever unexpected 'crap' comes your way today.... literal or otherwise.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

.:.It's okay, right?.:.

Her five year old determination was taking over: the desire to be independant and able to do things on her own. She had already asked for my help once, she was sure she wouldn't need to again.

Riiiiipppppp.

The piece of construction paper had ripped almost in half as she had tried to pull it from the pack.

Oh no. How was she going to react? Tears? Anger? A firm resolve not to make a card anymore?

A look of startlement came over her face.

Blink. Silence. Blink. More silence.

Each blink seemed to parrallel an acceptance of the situation.

Processing... accept... blink. Repeat.

A few seconds went by, she looked at me and said, "It's okay that my beautiful pink paper ripped, right?"

A look of startlement came over MY face.

Blink {processing, accept and repeat}. Blink.

Why wasn't she upset?! She had been so careful, and now it was ruined.

My perfectionist tendencies emerged

and I projected my own internal immediate reactions onto her.

"Yes, it is okay." I responded, astounded by how the maturity her response showed highlighted my own immaturity.

She continued to take the page out of the book, placed it in front of her and started to decorate it.

The pink paper won't ever be the same, but it is okay. It will still look beautiful. It is still usable. It will still be loved by whoever receives that card because she saw it's potential.

Two hours babysitting... and the Lord teaches me about His grace and redemptive heart.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

.:.fighting on the way to church.:.

"Why do we fight on the way to church

and not the grocery store?

It's the same mini-van!"

-Pastor Steve Aitkins

I have a theory. It's not a very profound idea, it's just a trend I've noticed: Doing things that are good for you takes extra motivation. Exercise .:. Entertaining guests .:. Eating healthy .:. Entering worship with a prepared heart on a Sunday morning.... the list continues.

Ephesians 6¹² says "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." So why are we surprised? Of course the enemy wants to stop you from fellowshipping with other believers and being fed spiritually. For the most part, he doesn't care about the physical food, so you can go to the grocery store in the same mini-van, but WW3 threatens to break out in your car on Sunday mornings.

Exhausted and worn out parents, I see you drop your kids off in the Children's Ministry. I see the effort it took to get there five minutes late instead of the usual ten. I encourage you to persevere. I don't have kids myself, but I remember arguing with my sister and parents on the way to church.... from the fight at home about wearing nylons, to the one in the driveway about which sister had the front seat last time and got it this time to the battle over my social life while on the drive to church.  

My parents are incredible. No matter how argumentative we were as girls/ siblings/ teens/ every other excuse, my parents recognized the importance of having a prepared heart prior to entering church. They did everything in their power to mediate the important arguments, and disperse the unimportant ones.

Here are some tips I gleaned from my Mom and Dad that turned our family's Sunday mornings from Argument Avenue to Cease-fire Court:

1. We listened to music on the way to church, usually worship music.:.It was Adventures in Odyssey when I was younger. My sister and I LOVED that series!

2. My parents asked questions to generate and control the discussion. These steered away from controversial subjects and were light and fun.

3. My parents used the layaway technique. They don't call it that, but it's what I came to call it when I saw them use it. On the way to church, if a controversial topic emerged and tempers started to rise, they said, "This is obviously important to you that we discuss this, but we don't have time on the way to church, why don't you bring it up after church for us to talk about?" And those times when it did need to be talked about, we then had the time to devote to it. But most often, the urgency my teenage self thought was there on that particular topic really didn't exist, and I didn't bring it up after church.

{As the parent, you set the tone and the standard for what is acceptable. You don't need to engage in that moment. You know that, right?}

4. My parents made Sunday mornings special with special breakfasts we were only allowed on the weekends, and they too would get dressed up, have their Bibles by the door ready to go. Their enthusiasm and example {eventually} were contagious.

{Your relationship with God really is where it begins.}

Don't settle for arriving halfway through the first song.

And don't be disappointed when you do.

Hang in there. It's worth it.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

This post is linked to TimeWarp Wife's Titus 2sday Link up too!
This post is linked to Growing Home's Teach me Tuesdays. Link up too!

This post is linked to WLW's Wednesday Link Up Party. Link up too!

Well Intentioned

"We judge ourselves

based on our motives

while others judge us

based on our actions."

-Dan Gabor

Sometimes there is a great disconnect from our motives to our actions.

We can be so well intentioned, and still come across hurtful or offensive.

If you've ever been on an overseas mission trip,

you'll know what I mean by that.

Or have you ever been in charge of an

event/lesson plan/etc that completely flopped?

Then you also know what I mean.

Or how about in your home or your marriage?

(Did you just get a knot in your tummy too?)

I know that I can be the most well intentioned person at times,

wanting to fix habits, speak encouragement, clean/tidy that one room, get the to-do list finally done, or go out of my way to do something nice for my spouse...

....but then excuses come and I make other priorities.

Every way of a man is right in his own eyes,

but the Lord weighs the heart.

-Proverbs 21:2

Where your treasure is,

there your heart will be also.

-Matthew 6:21

Yes, the Lord weighs the heart and sees our intentions and motives.

In doing so, He also sees our priorities and where we place our treasure.

Sometimes, having the right motivations can be good enough.

Sometimes, we need to have the follow through as well.

And there is grace for when we don't meet our standards.
There is also grace for when we don't meet God's standards - which is a much more important goal. But let's remember that the disconnect from our words/intentions to our actions/follow through does have an impact on others.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

This post is linked up to TimeWarp Wife's Titus 2sday Link up!

.:.love-led mentoring.:.

Speaking the truth to others in love is hard.
It is so important that our words are love-led and not love-less.

Remember that all people are on a journey.
Look for and seize teachable moments.
Recognize that God is working in you and others in the difficult moments.

Our role is often just to help others see where God is working in them,
so as to encourage them and see them grow.

Keep perspective.
Our battles are spiritual. Christ has victory.

Keep focused on God, wait on Him.
Point others to Him in good and bad times.

Encourage those in difficult times to listen to the Lord who is speaking to them and to soften their hearts as part of their response.

Always speak truth.
Remind them of truth so they will hear God more easily and have lies silenced.

Pray.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

Two Sources

Remember where your strength comes from and you'll remember it will never run empty.

The word "strength" in the above sentence could be substituted with:

forgiveness, grace, love, wisdom, purity, peace, joy, patience or confidence.

I suppose it works on the other extreme too with words like:

anger, lust, bitterness, resentment, folly, fear or dissention.

These characterisitics come from two very different origins,

but both sources are abounding and open to thristy travellers.

Where are you getting filled?

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

.:.Spices and Dust.:.

The true character of a woman

doesn't come from whether she is capable or willing to do things,

but rather if she can do those things with joy for the glory of God.

...like dusting off a spice rack. Wouldn't you know that's the dustiest place in my kitchen?
No recognition will come when their tops are wiped down and still I will say,

"Thank you, Lord, for all you provide,

for spices in the food you so graciously supply

and for a family to serve in this home you have given.

You have put a song of joy in my heart!"

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

This post is linked to WLW's Wednesday Link Up Party. Link up too!

.:.Three Strategies to Conflict Management.:.

When a situation arises, I find there are three strategies to conflict management one can choose.

One approach would be to magnify the issue. We can become so focused on the problem, replaying it over and over in our heads, analyzing every angle. This has the very real potential to overwhelm us and makes working through the issue daunting or even paralyzing. It focuses our attention on all the possible affects any action could have, rather than the issue itself. Magnifying the issue can take a toll on our performance in other areas and situations too.

Another option one may choose would be to minimize the problem. This tactic ignores the effects the problem has had on us and others. This buries the issue, which results in buried feelings that surface later in possibly even more intense and harmful ways.

In the moment, I find myself gravitating to one of these strategies, but I’ve discovered, like many before me, that there is a third option. When both of these extremes are held in tension, we are able to focus on the issue with perspective.

We are then able to acknowledge both the affects and effects of the situation. This allows the issue to be dealt with in a healthy way and most likely timely manner as well.

This third option is what I would like to strive for….healthy conflict management. I don’t think I know anyone who likes having conflict with peers, colleagues, friends or family. I know I certainly do not. But when I magnify or minimize the issue, I find that the conflict isn’t resolved well. I’ve learned, or rather, am learning, to address the issue head on, no matter how uncomfortable or messy it is.

In this way, I form healthy habits of reaction behavior in conflict management. These patterns are helpful to me and others, both now and as I journey forward in my life with my career, family and friends.

Let's be seeking habits that are healthy, helpful and honoring.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

An apple a day

About eight years ago for an in-class high school writing assignment, our teacher placed a bowl of apples at the front of the classroom and told us to write a poem describing them. After thirty minutes, he asked for a few volunteers to read their compositions aloud. Each one spoke to the vibrant color and amazing aesthetics, even using words like “tempting” and “perfect”. For a bowl of my least favorite green apples, I must admit they did look good. That is, until he turned the bowl around to reveal that the apples had bites taken from them, were browning and had been hacked with a knife in areas.

Things are not always as they appear.
In fact, rarely is a first impression or a quick judgment accurate.

At the time, I wanted to apply this little life lesson to others, believing that it was everyone else with the mask. I wanted to conclude that things aren’t always how they appear in other’s lives. However, the lesson I took away that day was one of deep conviction, hitting a chord deeper than any green apple should strike within me.

I’m the apple, and it’s hard to admit. From the classroom to the office, in my friendships and even in my blogging, I like to present myself as colorful, vibrant and whole. But the truth is I have been wounded. I have dirty patches. I have missing pieces.

I thank God for His patience with me. He is the one that is at work in me to heal, clean and make me whole.

I can be so eager to portray myself as a whole apple so that others are impressed that it causes me to ignore the work God is doing, and his priorities in my life.

"Mark 4 // We are more impressed with the fruit. Not God - He's watching over the roots. We like the product; He emphasizes the process." -James Liira

I am not a lone apple in a bowl. I am intricately connected to the tree that gives life and allows me to keep growing and learning. God is working in my life and speaking to me, even when I may not be so sure. He works and speaks in yours too. Broken and marred as I am, there is more going on than I see, and that is a wonderful thing.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

Gratitude on the Go

It's summertime (love!) and I've been doing some travelling recently. I took a road trip across three provinces and back. I was blessed to be able to stay at friend's and family's homes along the way. Yes, it saved me some money, but I was also really blessed to stay in other's homes and receive amazing hospitality.

It occurred to me as I travelled from house to house that there is such a thing as Travel Ettiquette. You have influence wherever you go. Here are a few tips/ideas for taking an attidue of gratitude with you on the road:

*Sometimes I arrive with a small bouquet. I stop at a road side stand or a grocery store on the way, and give the bouquet to the host as an initial thank you.

*Offer to help with meal preparation (from chopping carrots to setting the table). This is a kind gesture, even if they don't take you up on the offer. In this case, stay and make conversation. It can be tempting sometimes to take extra time to "freshen up" and steal some moments away, especially on long trips when travel can be tiring. Resist the temptation and take the opportunities to show you care and are grateful for the sacrifice they're making for you.

*Don't be picky. Whether it's with food or accomodation, don't stick your nose up. On the other hand, if your opinion is asked, be honest. Don't say "you're fine with anything" if you truly don't like one of the two options provided. No host wants to serve you something you won't enjoy.

*Upon leaving, I strip the bed and fold the sheets. If I stayed on a hide-a-bed, I put it back together. I fold the towels I used and place them beside the sheets. That way, it saves my host a little time when they clean up from my stay.

*Pack and give thank you cards. I keep a package in my suitcase, even when it's in storage, just so I don't forget. Whenever I leave a house after my stay, I leave a card thanking them for their generosity and hospitality. I place it on top of the folded sheets.

These are a few of my tips on how to be a good guest. Some I learned from my mother and cousin and others I picked up from guests of my own.  What would you add?

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.

A Music Lesson

As a woman, you have great influence in setting the tone for your home.

You can be sharp with nagging or critical comments;

you can be flat with a lazy or apathetic attitude;

or you can be on key and bring a harmony of joy and peace to your home.

.:.Be someone he wants to come home to.:.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.:.